


Collage

by Qzeebrella



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-13
Updated: 2006-03-12
Packaged: 2018-08-16 05:10:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8088571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qzeebrella/pseuds/Qzeebrella
Summary: Episode-by-episode POV vignettes up through 2.08 "The Communicator." (10/28/2003)





	1. Before 1.01-1.02 "Broken Bow"

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Reference to child abuse. AU is where Trip meets Malcolm on Jupiter Station.  


* * *

Malcolm was, he admitted, scared out of his wits. He was going to meet his new CO, his lover's best friend, and the son of a man he deeply admired both for his ingenuity and his determination, yet he was only going to meet one man. Captain Jonathon Archer, who by all accounts, was a bit of a cowboy, but Charles admired him and Archer did have a good service record so perhaps he and the captain could have an amicable relationship.

He hoped that that sort of amicable relationship would be possible, for it would improve the chances of his sustaining the relationship he had with his love for as long as possible. If he and Jonathon Archer could achieve respect for each other or even be friendly acquaintances, then Charles' best friend would support Charles choices. Malcolm had arrived at the room on time, where he was supposed to meet his lover, but the engineer was nowhere in sight. His communicator beeped so he opened it to receive the call.

"Commander Tucker here, sorry Malcolm a kink in the warp coils is going to prevent me from being there." He heard that lovely voice say then felt his stomach sink and twist itself into knots. "I know you wanted me to be there for your first meeting with the captain, and I'd be there if I could, but unfortunately due to this emergency I can't. I'm sure you'll be all right alone. I already let the cap'n know, since it was a duty related meeting we were going to have, hope all goes well for you. Damn! A fuse or somethin' blew—I got to go. I'm sorry, see you tonight."

Malcolm heard the beep of the com closing and sighed. He then gathered all of his courage and rang the door chime—he could do this. He could face Jonathon Archer on his own and survive.

"Come in Lieutenant." He heard a very nice voice say.

He entered the room to see a tall, nicely built man with green eyes petting a friendly looking beagle. "Hello, I'm Lieutenant Reed." He introduced himself; the beagle ran up to him and looked at him expectantly. "Is it all right if I pet this dog?" He asked.

"Yes, he's friendly, his name is Porthos. I'm Captain Jonathon Archer." The man with the green eyes said.

Malcolm petted the dog, it seemed very nice, he hoped it would be coming with them and that the captain might consider letting him walk the dog from time to time. He had always wanted a pet and had never been allowed one. His parents had used the excuse of his allergies, yet he had only food, mold, pollen and dust allergies as far as any doctor could determine he was not allergic to any animals dander or hair.

Though Malcolm enjoyed this opportunity to pet the small dog, he used it to discreetly look around the room and see what he could conclude about the man. Most of the pads around the room were arranged neatly giving an efficient feel to the office. There was one pile stacked haphazardly though, pictures and models of the previous incarnations of Enterprise vessels and a doggy bed for Porthos. So history, organization—as long as it wasn't obsessive, and his dog was among the things important to this man. So far Malcolm thought he could learn to get along with this man.

Jon had picked up a pad and sighed, "I was hoping Trip could read through this list of five people command has given me for a potential helm officer. I really need to find someone who is both qualified and has at least some experience flying in deep space. These people either aren't rated for warp engines or have no experience other than simulators."

"I know of someone who would be a good helm officer." Malcolm offered, "though he just graduated from flight school, he's a boomer, born and raised on a cargo ship. Has flown his family ship for years before flight school, it's only a warp 3, I think. Though he has likely seen more of other planets than you, Commander Tucker and I combined, he still loves space, is awed by it and has a desire to explore and learn. He's the best pilot I've ever seen with some amazing instincts."

Malcolm saw Jon look up at him with an accessing look. "Just what is your relationship with this pilot?"

"He's a friend, and was a student in one of the hand to hand combat classes I taught. He's excellent at one of the martial arts and has a wide range of interests." Malcolm informed the older man. "He is very nice and is becoming a good friend of mine, but I would recommend him even if he were only an acquaintance."

Jon nodded, "Let me know his name and I'll look him up in the computer to see if he could be what I'm looking for."

"Certainly, Ensign Travis Mayweather, currently of Lunar Base 3." Malcolm said.

Malcolm watched as the captain looked up the information. After just a few minutes he saw the older man nod.

"Yes, he would be who I'd like to see at the controls, seems to be a better pilot than even I was." The older man said. "Thank you for the recommendation. Here let's sit and have something to drink and get to know each other better. Would you like coffee or tea?"

"I'd like a bit of Darjeeling if you have it, if not coffee would do." Malcolm said.

After drinking some tea and talking with the captain for some time of his experiences with the Eagle Scouts and his love of all kinds of weaponry, he was dismissed. Malcolm had enjoyed reminiscing about the Scouts, almost all his experiences with them had been positive. Earning badges on his own merit after hard work, the Scout leader firm in making sure no one was bullied, and it was through the scouts that he had first handled a weapon and knew he wanted to learn how they worked. It looked as though he and the captain would be able to work with each other.

* * *

Jon contacted his friend after meeting Trip's new love Malcolm Reed. He was very glad that he had the chance to talk to the young man alone. It had confirmed for him that the armoury officer was just the kind of person he would like to see with Trip. Malcolm was level headed, extremely intelligent, and very good looking. He almost wished he had met the Englishman first. His talk with the younger man had also let him make sure that Malcolm's saying that Ensign Mayweather was his friend meant just that.

That the armoury officer's statement meant that the Boomer was a friend and nothing more. Though Jon knew Trip could look after himself, he occasionally needed to do the 'protective friend' thing—the engineer called it 'the over-protective almost big brotherish thing.'

Jon opened a com link to engineering to talk to his friend. "Trip, I just finished talking with Lieutenant Reed." Jon informed his friend. "He seems a bit reserved, but very nice. I'm glad you'll have a voice of reason to keep you from your more wild adventures. And I'm glad he'll have a voice of fun to lead him on some wild adventures. He even recommended a helmsman to me, one that's perfect for Enterprise. You're a very lucky man."

"I know Jon, I know. See you soon." Trip said, turning back to finish the last of the repair work on the malfunction.


	2. 1.01-1.02 "Broken Bow"

Well they had headed out early; Malcolm had been forced to delay properly outfitting Enterprise with all her weapons in order to return an alien to its homeworld. Though the alien had been attacked by an enemy that seemed to be able to change it's shape enough to crawl under the cracks of doors, Malcolm distrusted the Klingon male as well. Mainly due to his hostile attitude and the fact that the database labeled his people as extremely warlike. Also, in spite of being able to get all the way to the alien's homeworld with information his leaders desperately needed, the leaders and other Klingons seemed to be extremely hostile, aggressive, and a distorted need for vengeance. They were now on Malcolm's list of hostile species to tread quietly around. The other malleable bodied species were also on his list of species to watch out for.

Malcolm had made arrangements to spend the evening with Charles. Having dinner with him, Travis was going to join them as his love wanted to meet the young man that had become his friend. He had let the engineer know that the friendship was important to him, for he liked the younger man's love of life, and he assured his lover that Travis was just a friend. Travis was looking forward to meeting Charles too, the boomer had said he wanted to shake the hand of the man that had managed to get the Brit to smile from time to time.

Malcolm entered the mess hall; he habitually looked around the whole room, getting a good idea of who was there and what was going on. Neither Charles nor Travis was there yet so he selected his dinner, baked chicken, mixed vegetables, and a baked potato. He then grabbed a small empty teapot, hot water and Darjeeling tea to make himself some proper tea. Going to sit in a corner where he could watch all entrances and yet keep his back to the wall.

Charles entered the room, spotted him, got his dinner which was the same as Malcolm's except he had chosen coffee instead of tea. Then came over to him, Charles looked longingly at him. Malcolm had researched all the rules and regulations Starfleet had since that first time he read enough to confirm that he and his love could be together, and had confirmed what he was about to do was allowable. He stood up just as Charles set his tray on the table, leaned toward the engineer and briefly kissed him on the lips, making his heart sing with the promise of more.

'There, mission accomplished.' He thought as he sat back down and saw the surprised, pleased and embarrassed look his love had, then he caught sight of Travis heading towards them. "I certainly am glad short kisses and hand holding in public areas such as the mess hall and observation lounges, is allowed under the regulations, as long as the people within the relationship are off duty."

He saw Charles smile as if receiving a precious gift. "I am too darlin.'" Just as Travis joined them. Travis also had a wide smile and a teasing glint in his eyes.

"Charles," Malcolm said, gesturing at the young boomer, "This is my friend Travis Mayweather, he grew up on a boomer ship and worked in each section including engineering. Travis, this is the man I've talked endlessly to you about, Charles Tucker the third."

"Call me Trip when we're not on duty." Charles offered, his 'good ole- boy' charm coming to the fore. "Sit yourself down and we'll get to know each other a bit. How did you meet Mal?"

After hearing the recap of how he and Travis met from the younger man's point of view. Malcolm was laughing softly, almost completely relaxed; though he still scanned the room from time to time, out of habit. From bitter experience he knew you needed to be constantly on guard. Travis had regaled Charles with how on a survival training together Malcolm had supposedly managed to create a 3 bedroom log cabin, with running water, a cold storage space, and a fireplace and chimney from a bunch of twigs and rocks.

Malcolm had protested that it was only a lean-to created from three trees, some shrubs, a trench built from the river to a nearby dugout, then back to the water to create a mini-river to lake to mini-river situation, and a firepit.

Charles had said that he believed Travis story ahead of his, "you have understated your accomplishments before, so if Travis says you built a 3 bedroom cabin with all the amenities that's likely what you did."

Malcolm shook his head in disbelief, then grinned; it would not hurt for Charles to think he could perform miracles. They had finished eating and by the looks Travis was giving the engineer and him, the pilot wanted a chance to speak with the older man alone. "Charles, I think you and Travis need to talk a bit, I'll go to my cabin and read a bit. Will you come by soon?"

"I'll be there just as soon as I'm finished here." Charles said, "I'm glad I heard the true story behind your two's meeting." Nodding towards Travis.

Malcolm snorted, bent to kiss Charles on the cheek and left the room.

* * *

"So," Trip said, "you and Malcolm seem to have a good friendship." He knew that sounded like fishing, but he had to know just what was up between his love and this man. He had to admit the younger man was very nice looking, but from the way Malcolm and Travis talked about the survival training it sounded like a good way to bond. Though the interaction of the two had more of the sense of friendship, Trip still felt a few moments of uncertainty and jealousy. He hoped he did not have competition for his Malcolm's love.

"Yes, we are good friends." Travis said, "I'm glad I've been able to get him to relax a bit, smile and chuckle from time to time. I'm very glad he found someone like you, you had him laughing openly tonight, and it was good to see him really laugh finally. Almost the only thing he talks about with me these days is you. I'm glad he found someone, as his friend I had been hoping he would, but I'd like permission to speak to you freely and off the record."

Trip blinked, the younger man had just gone from friendly to very serious looking, what he was about to say must be very important to him. "Go ahead, you may speak freely and off the record."

"I take my friends very seriously, if one of them is hurt physically or emotionally I do everything I can to help them. If you ever hurt Malcolm in any way, I will hurt you, it won't matter to me that you are superior in rank to me, it won't matter that you are the captain's friend. If you ever hurt Malcolm, you will regret it for I will enact whatever kind of revenge I see fit. Is that clear Mr. Tucker." Travis voice was full of menace.

"Very clear, Travis." Trip assured him, looking the younger man in the eye. "Though to hurt Malcolm would be a direct attack on my heart and soul, for he is my heart and soul. If I ever hurt Malcolm enough for you to want to come after me, I'd likely allow you to do whatever it is you needed to do. For my heart and soul would already be kicking me from one end of the ship to the other, it'd likely want some help from someone and invite you to join in. I think you should know the captain just overheard us, so I don't know what he'll think of what we just said."

"I would watch the butt kicking." Jon said, coming up to be seen by the determined looking ensign, who hadn't even flinched when hearing that the CO had been there. "Then I'd sit with you in sickbay, telling you how idiotic you were to let a man like Malcolm go, and send Travis to go talk to him and help him."

Trip looked his friend in the eye and came to understand why Jon would be willing to stand by and allow a butt kicking on his ship. His old friend had apparently fallen half in love with Malcolm too. The engineer knew that Jon would never try to steal Malcolm away, but that Jon would always have a soft spot, a protective streak towards the armoury officer. If the southerner were ever idiotic enough to hurt his love, he'd have not only a boomer to contend with, but his captain and best friend as well.

From 1.01-1.02 "Broken Bow" to 1.05 "Unexpected"

Malcolm lay within Charles arms, content and warm. Everyone on board seemed to know about their relationship now, Malcolm had been surprised to find out that other people knowing about their being lovers did not bother him. The armoury officer had also come to having gotten used to his love hovering behind him when the Brit was at his post on the bridge. To have him there, usually once a day gave him the feeling that his engineer was silently supporting him.

Malcolm had even made a few new friends, Hoshi, the communications officer, who smirked whenever she saw them kiss lightly or hold hands. She sighed when he and Charles got sappy and spoke lovingly to each other. She had told him, much to his embarrassment, that she wished she could watch them make love with each other. That most of the female crew loved watching them and speculating on what they did. No matter how much they tried to picture it, Malcolm knew they would never get close to the wonder and beauty of the actual experience.

Whether making slow and gentle love, or fucking each other into the bed, each time seemed to touch his heart and soul and mind. Healing another bruise, sealing one of the seeping wounds left on him by his parents' and classmates' abuse. Each day they set aside a half-hour to just talk, usually cuddling while doing so. It was these talks, full of Charles' admiration for his inventiveness, his support—both spoken and inferred. Along with his willingness to listen, his willingness to confide in Malcolm, and the fact they could just sit and hold each other in silence and be perfectly content. It was all of this that warmed Malcolm's heart and soul in ways he just could never described.

Malcolm was beginning to believe he deserved to be treated with respect and gentleness, and that he had many things of value to contribute to Enterprise, her crew, and his love.

Malcolm had even made friends with the resident aliens, Phlox and T'Pol. His conversations with Phlox were full of debates on philosophy, sharing with each other the history of their respective planets, sharing their love of literature, and Malcolm helping Phlox to understand some of the more confusing traits humanity persisted in. Malcolm had put his foot down and made sure Phlox understood that he and Charles would never demonstrate human copulation for him. Once Phlox understood how strongly Malcolm felt about keeping their intimacy a matter of privacy, the doctor had let his desire go and had focused instead on their many discussions.

His relationship with T'Pol was vastly different than any he had ever known. T'Pol had mentioned to him that his emotional control was exceptional for a human. Malcolm told her of how he had read Plato and various other philosophers, focusing on those who advocated a life organized by reason rather than dominated by desires and appetites. He told her of his study of Marcus Aurelius' life and stoicism in general, his quest to learn as much as he could to harmonize his desire for inner peace with that philosophy. She had then given him a copy of Surak's teachings, which they discussed and compared with what he knew of other philosophies.

They had interspersed this with his views of why emotion and acting on it were important for humans in general, playing chess while debating tactics, strategy, and when force was a necessary reaction to a situation. T'Pol had even taught him the basics of meditation, which he now tried to do a half hour a day so as to clear his mind and focus on his duties. Meditation cleared his mind, and it also seemed to be helping him to heal his soul. Helping him to put his parents' actions and words into context, beginning to realize that he was not at fault for their treatment of him. That he had done nothing to deserve their violent actions or words. Due to his continuing discussions with T'Pol, her approaching him with a respect she showed no other on board, he began to be both humbled and honored that he had earned her respect.

He had helped her to understand why movies could help her gain an understanding of how the human mind worked, even if they were comedies or absurd science fiction movies. He knew that if he had not had Charles, if he had not fallen in love with the southerner, that he would have likely been blinded by T'Pol's physical appearance, air of mystery and unattainability and would have lusted after her from afar. She noticed a lot more about how humans saw her than anyone else gave her credit for, if he had lusted after her from afar, likely tripping over his tongue from time to time, he would not have had the chance to get to know her as a person. They would likely not have had the discussions of logic and reason, emotion and impulse, silliness versus solemn stoicness, and he would have missed out on having a friend, a colleague who's discussions were helping him to heal almost as much as Charles' emotional support and conversations were.

Malcolm was glad he was making so many friends. The captain and he had even started a tentative friendship based mostly on their both being Scouts and a love of good literature, or a good thriller for that matter. He was immensely glad he was serving among people who were fast becoming more like a family to him than anyone else had been with the exception of his sister Madeline. He was home. He turned in Charles' arms as the engineer awoke and kissed him, reluctantly getting up to dress for another day.

* * *

Malcolm was somewhat worried that Charles would be entering and staying on the Xyrillian ship all by himself. They knew very little about the species and though Malcolm had protested the trust the captain insisted on showing them, with the intention of proving that they were explorers and not a threat, Charles was going alone. He just hoped nothing happened to his love, that his love would return to him safe and sound.

* * *

Trip looked around at the scenery that had showed up out of nowhere, his hands in the pebbles, and then looking at Ahlen who he got the feeling was attracted to him. She did nothing for him though. She wouldn't have even if he had not had Malcolm to go home to, but this technology sure was interesting. As was the feel of pebbles against his skin, it almost felt as if something was entering him and settling in his abdomen. Sure the feeling was a bit odd, but it wasn't threatening so he decided to ignore it. He hoped he would be able to help out these people quickly and return to Malcolm soon.

* * *

Trip was really worried, something strange was happening to him. He had woken up with Malcolm in his arms, which still seemed like a miracle to him, to have been able to convince the somewhat shy and reserved man to take a chance on him. It always gave his heart a bit of joy to awake with his armoury officer, and awed him that he always did so. Malcolm choosing to use his cabin only for meditating, reading, and occasionally dragging him in there for a change of scenery. So far the only times Malcolm had felt comfortable enough to ask him to let the younger man penetrate him were the times they were in the Brit's cabin.

Perhaps one day Mal would gain enough confidence to seduce him in Trip's cabin or elsewhere. The engineer was looking forward to that day, not only for the sheer pleasure having his love inside him, but because it would be one more step on the path to his love being completely healed. Trip had been truly awed the first time Mal had seduced him in the armoury officer's cabin. He knew how hard it must have been for the younger man, how much courage it had taken for him to risk rejection, and he had been honored by the request. Mal had been so gentle, so tentative, as if afraid of breaking him, as if cherishing each moment, and it had been wonderful.

Though Trip tried to distract himself with happy memories, so as to remain calm and still, so as to give his love more time to sleep, whatever it was that was happening to him was getting harder to ignore. His abdomen felt strange, his stomach queasy, he was dizzy, and he desperately hoped he hadn't caught anything contagious...at the thought it might be contagious, and that Phlox might have missed it he knew he had to wake Mal and get him to help him to sickbay.

"Malcolm," Trip just barely whispered, barely touched his love, and Malcolm rolled out of bed into a defensive upright position. God, he hated whatever had caused Malcolm to expect attack whenever woken unexpectedly, hated to see those eyes clouded by fear even for a moment due to something he did. But this was important, if whatever was making him feel strange was contagious it could hurt Mal...and the rest of the crew. "I don't feel that good, I've been feeling a bit off lately. It started on the Xyrillian ship and has been getting stronger ever since, I'd better see if Phlox can figure out what's wrong."

He was immediately helped into a robe, and a second later escorted out of their, uh, his cabin by a robed armoury officer. Trip still wasn't quite sure how Mal had gotten both their robes on so quickly.

"It's going to be okay, Charles." Malcolm's voice was soothing, but Trip heard the quaver of uncertainty in it. "I will be with you and help you in any way I can."

The engineer knew that Malcolm was worried, and hoped with all his heart that if the worst did happen to him, the friends they had made on Enterprise would rally around his love and help him through it. Help him mourn and move on, he hoped that if he ever had to leave Malcolm behind that Mal would find love again, he deserved it. It was way too soon to be thinking of death though, where there was breath, there was hope. __*

Malcolm was terrified. Phlox kept scanning Charles, noting the new additions to his loves arms and going, "Uh-huh, and then what did you and Ahlen do?"

'Good heavens,' Malcolm could not help but think, 'why does that matter? I hope it helps you figure out what's going on. Please let Charles be okay! Please make him better. If you do, I promise to discuss the history of Karaoke with you, as you've been wanting. If you make Charles better, I'll..."

Phlox saying, "Ah that explains it." Interrupted his mental bargaining. "Commander you are pregnant."

Charles and I stare at each other, his mouth is agape in astonishment as I assume mine must be.

"Uh, p-p-pregnant." Charles stutters. I'm amazed he can get it out as I think I have been shocked into speechlessness. It may take hours if not days for me to regain the ability to speak. It isn't possible it is my child, is it?

"The Xyrillians' have a unique method of gestation." Phlox explains, "the female chooses a host for the child, a male to carry it, once she passes the necessary genetic material to him with the help of round porous objects, pregnancy occurs. None of the male's genetic material goes into making the child. The child receives only the female's genetic code, which is altered to create a unique genetic makeup by the porous objects breaking down her genetic code and reassembling it into a unique zygote. The zygote is then implanted into the male hosts abdomen here." Phlox touched Charles right side; I looked at it and see a slight swell starting.

Phlox continued, "it would be a good idea to find the Xyrillians again as the child would have the best chance of surviving and flourishing with them. We should let Captain Archer know what is going on."

I see Charles looking up at me with uncertainty. He must be worried that I would think he had stepped out on me, or perhaps concerned how the captain will take the news of his best friend being pregnant. It certainly should turn the captain's world upside down!

"Charles, I promised I would help you through whatever was going on, and I will." I assure him, going to kiss him briefly and take his right hand in my left. "I will support you as we inform the captain, help you as we go looking for the Xyrillians and in the very small chance we are unable to find them, I will be there for you regardless of what you choose to do about your situation." My assurance was more of a vow to him, whatever he chose to do; I would be there. Even if that meant ending up a father to an alien child. I don't know if I'd be a good father, but I certainly know better than anyone else what not to do.

"Okay, we'd better let Jonny know right away." Charles agreed. "Doc, would you call him here, once I tell him I want you to explain how it happened that I got pregnant. I just hope he doesn't kid me about whether I'm sure Mal's not the father. This is strange enough as it is. Uh, no offense Mal."

"None taken love." I reassure him.

* * *

Well, it would have been nice to have had a camera to take a picture of Jonny's expression when he learned that Ahlen managed to impregnate me. It would have made nice blackmail material. He did resist the urge to ask me if it was Malcolm's child though, well as long as Mal was nearby. Once we were alone he looked at me and grinned one of his shit eating grins, "so are you sure your boyfriend isn't the reason your pregnant? If it is, I'm going to have to see whether I can arrange a 'phase pistol wedding.'"

I gotta tell you I was tempted, heck I'm still tempted, to let him carry out that phase pistol wedding idea, though I know this thing isn't even my child much less Mal's. I did turn to Jonny though and put on my best offended look, "now Cap'n I would have thought you'd know that unless we had gotten Phlox to do some creative surgery and your permission Mal and I could never have created a child on our own. Besides why in the world didn't you ask me this when Mal was around?"

Jon blushed deep red at that question, which surprised me a lot, I didn't know I could still torment him enough to make him blush. "Well Trip, I didn't ask around Malcolm due to the fact that if I did T'Pol would never find my body and always wonder where I disappeared to. Though I have to say it's been difficult getting you alone, you seem to have your own personal guard hovering over you most of the time. Which is a change from the way you stick close to Malcolm on the bridge."

I blushed that time and smiled a bit sheepishly. But that was a couple of days ago, now I'm worried. What happens if we can't find Ahlen and her people? I'm not ready to be a father; this thing growing in me seems to me to be more like a parasite than a child, at least that's the way I'm thinking of it now. And as I've told Mal it feels like I was assaulted without my knowledge, like those 'date rapes' of the 20th century. I feel kind of dirty, though I know nothing sexual really happened and I don't know how to deal with that. Talking with Mal has helped some, as has talking with Phlox, and my talks with Jonny were helping me see myself as normal. As having not done anything to be ashamed of, like I was and still am from time to time.

I needed to think on it awhile, try to stop blaming myself for my unusual circumstances, there was no way I could have known what putting my hands in those pebbles with Ahlen would do. I did nothing wrong, I was not used or assaulted, and I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Now if only I could convince myself of that.

* * *

Malcolm sat on the floor of a storage deck across from T'Pol. Both sitting with legs crossed over feet resting on top of the opposite leg up by the thigh a yoga position. Malcolm had hoped just meditating with T'Pol would help him figure out how best to help Charles. Charles emotions were all over the place with sudden highs and lows, surging this way and that, part of the reason for that was due to the pregnancy that T'Pol had been made aware of. Part of it due to how his love was reacting to it, blaming himself as if there had been a way for him to know what placing his hands in those pebbles when Ahlen did as well could do. Malcolm was doing the best he could to help Charles realize that it wasn't his fault, that the engineer had nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

Added to the stress of trying to help Charles deal with the information was his own anxiety on the issue. Malcolm truly did not know how to deal with the development emotionally. He occasionally just wanted to find Ahlen and her people and blow them out of the sky for the pain they, intentionally or otherwise, were putting his love through. Then he'd feel guilty for wanting to essentially murder a ship full of people for what may have been an unforeseen occurrence. He also felt lost and bewildered, not knowing what he would do if he and Charles were faced with raising the child themselves. Though he knew he would do everything in his ability to be a good father if he ever had a child, he really had no idea how you would go about being a dad. Meditation wasn't helping him sort out his thoughts and feelings this time, they were just swirling around and taunting him. He looked up at T'Pol and cleared his throat, he saw her come out of her trance.

"Yes Mr. Reed, do you need help in achieving a trance today?" She asked, it seemed to Malcolm that she spoke to him with a tone of respect and fellowship that she did not approach anyone else on board ship with.

"Actually I don't think meditation will help me sort out my thoughts and feelings today." Malcolm said, "they keep going in circles. Until I know what will happen in regards to Charles' situation, I don't know how to deal with it. When I asked you to join me today, I had hoped that it would help me to find a way to help Charles deal with some of the things that are haunting him due to this unexpected development. It seems as if all I am capable of doing is holding his hand, or watching him as he torments himself with thoughts of how he should have been more careful. He is blaming himself for what happened, when there is no way he could have known what would occur. He is seeing what happened as an assault, and at times I see it in that way too. In spite of the fact that Ahlen may have had no idea that a cross species impregnation could occur. And since I see it as an assault at times, I find myself being consumed by vengeance when I know I will need a clear head. I need to remain focused on doing my duty both to Charles and the ship, if I allow myself to be consumed with thoughts of vengeance it would likely lead to actions that I would always regret and can never take back."

T'Pol inclined her head, "the cause is sufficient for you to be occasionally wanting vengeance. Your mate has been harmed, is hurting, and regardless of how much you want to take the pain away, the only thing you can do is be there. Mr. Reed, being there for your mate is enough that is what he needs from you right now. Until we ascertain whether we will find the Xryllians we will not know whether Ahlen impregnated Commander Tucker intentionally. There is a good chance she did not. You are doing everything you can; all you can do is continue to support your mate by being there for him. When on duty focus on your work, go through all the steps you would take to do a detailed diagnostic of your station, the equipment in the armoury, or even all the moves you would make in a chess game against a fellow master of the game. That will help you control your emotions so that you do not do anything you will regret once we do find the Xryllians."

Malcolm nodded his understanding, hearing T'Pol reassuring him that both his feelings and what he was currently doing to try to help Charles were an appropriate way to handle things centered him in a way that attempting to meditate had not. She had helped with her words to slow down the circling thoughts long enough for Malcolm to itemize them and set them aside. He could now go back to Charles, for his mind was settled enough to focus on how to be there for him instead of a twirl in his own stress and thoughts. "Thank you T'Pol. Shall we get together at our regular time for meditation later this week, or as soon after as our duties allow should we be unable to meet at the regular time."

"Yes, that would be acceptable to me." T'Pol said, "I am certain you and your mate will cope with whatever does happen admirably. I stand ready to listen to you should you need my assistance to gain perspective with this development."

Malcolm nodded his appreciation. "Farewell for now." He said as he left the room.

* * *

Trip was a bit confused, they had finally caught up with Ahlen, convinced the Klingons not to blow either them or the Xyrillians out of the sky, and the doctors had figured out how to transfer the embryo to a willing host. It seemed that Ahlen truly had not known that her actions would lead to pregnancy for him, considering how different their races were she had thought there was no risk at all. Yet Trip still felt used, and now was remembering how the embryo had started to move inside him. He found himself missing it to his surprise. Empty, sad, and angry, as if something precious had been stolen from him.

'Oh god,' he realized, 'I had begun to think of it as a child.' He knew he would have to talk to both Malcolm and Phlox about it. For he was feeling as if he'd gone and had an abortion instead of just transferring a parasite. He had truly not wanted to have the child himself. If they had been unable to find the ship Trip knew he would have made arrangements for Phlox to abort the fetus. If that option could no longer be pursued due to the length of gestation then he would have given the child up for adoption. He truly did not think he could have raised the child seeing as he would always see what happened to impregnate him as an assault, an almost rape. But he knew he'd have to deal with his feelings of regret, emptiness, and anger. And he knew Malcolm would be there to help him through it.

Trip was beginning to believe that it would be a whole lot easier to convince Malcolm to enter a lifelong relationship than he had dared to hope before this happened. So one good thing had occurred out of all this, he now knew for a certainty that his love loved him in return.

* * *

Captain's personal log: "Trip and Malcolm have been working through the after effects Trip's unexpected pregnancy caused. They seem to be doing well, I was worried about Trip, the way he was beating himself up for something he could never have foreseen...well he seems to be slowly recovering. He dealt well with the teasing he got from the crew on becoming pregnant, and told me he was grateful they were both supportive and teasing. We have just entered orbit around a planet that has the ruins of what looks like a colony on it. We aren't quite sure what's up yet, but we're hoping to find out who these people were and what they were like."


	3. 1.06 "Terra Nova"

'Oh my god!' Trip thought, though it felt more as if his heart and soul were crying out. 'Mal's been shot and Jonny had to leave him behind. When the Cap'n told me, his eyes were haunted. I know he'll kick himself the rest of his life if something happens to Malcolm. Oh god please let Malcolm be all right! Especially as Mal got hurt protecting him, I know it's his job and there's a risk he or I will die in the line of duty, but this is the first time I've had to face the reality of Mal's job. I knew that it'd be hard, but I didn't know that it would put my heart and soul through the wringer. As long as Mal's okay, as long as he returns to me alive, and Phlox fixes him up, I'll be okay.'

'Oh god, it's so hard not to know, not to be able to find out if he's still alive, if he'll be okay. It'll never be easy to wait and see. But as long as he always recovers, my world will go on. Oh god, let him be okay!"

* * *

'Thank god, Mal's back on ship.' Trip thought. 'He lost quite a bit of blood and was having a thankfully mild allergic reaction to something in those caves, but Jonny brought him back. Phlox has given him a shot for the allergic reaction and removed the bullet from Malcolm's leg. He'll need a bit of physical therapy, but he's going to be okay. If his allergic reaction had been more severe...thank god it wasn't. Malcolm is going to be okay. My lover is going to recover. My love has come back to me and he is going to be as good as new soon. Malcolm is going to be okay.'

Trip wondered why he was crying when Mal was now safe and sound on board ship again. But decided to focus on running his fingers through Malcolm's hair and caressing him gently so as not to wake him. Malcolm was going to be okay.

* * *

Travis and Hoshi were planning a covert mission that they were referring to, as 'Save our Soldier,' of course it would have the side effect of saving Phlox as well. They had gotten Phlox's permission to spring Malcolm from sickbay for a few hours, at a time Phlox would be immersed in taking care of his animals. They would help Malcolm get to his quarters and share with him all the news.

Hoshi had been in charge of persuading Phlox to allow the temporary escape. She had joined Phlox for breakfast and over the meal had said; "I know Malcolm is going to be released from sickbay the day after tomorrow. But if he does not get a temporary respite from it soon Malcolm will spontaneously combust, taking sickbay with him in the explosion, and we might need sickbay eventually."

Phlox had chuckled over her phrasing and said, "yes I can see that happening, I normally feed my animals from 1300 to 1530 and when I do so I am so immersed in taking care of them that I would notice nothing else unless an emergency were to occur."

So here they were, having been given the afternoon of 12:57 and counting, about to initiate 'Save our Soldier.'

* * *

Travis had to grin at his two friends as they sat in Malcolm's quarters. Malcolm had figuratively jumped at the chance to get out of sickbay for awhile. The engineer had been practically living in sickbay when not needed on duty and had given he and Hoshi his unstated permission to have Malcolm to themselves for awhile. Commander Tucker was pretending he did not know about the escape, but had implied that he knew of it and felt that Malcolm needed to unwind with his friends.

Travis thought it a shame the commander could not join them, he was becoming as much a friend to him and Hoshi as Malcolm was.

"So Malcolm," Hoshi said, her face full of mischief, it looked as if she was embarking on one of her, 'I'm going to make Malcolm blush' missions. "I bet you're looking forward to having your leg better, able to bend and take any kind of use you put it too. I'm sure you'll think of something to do with Trip to celebrate when your leg is back to normal. Something requiring flexibility and endurance."

Malcolm blushed at the wording, turning a deep red and chuckled. "Hoshi, you wicked girl!"

Hoshi had a 'who me?' smile on her face.

Travis decided to join in the teasing, "I think he can't wait till his leg is better. I'd bet that he'd find some way to celebrate with Trip once he's released from sickbay, even if he has to celebrate while lying on his back."

Travis watched as Hoshi was reduced to helpless laughter and Malcolm turned even redder, which he had not thought possible. He was glad to be able to have this time with his friends.

* * *

Malcolm was finally out of sickbay lying in Charles' arms, feeling so much joy and peace while within him. Though Charles' kept him company overnight in sickbay, he could only sit by his side not lay down beside him. It had been nice when waking up in the night to see Charles in a reclining chair asleep, hand firmly holding his, but it would never compare to the joy he found lying in his loves arms. The armoury officer was still awed that Charles wanted to be with him. It was a miracle; one he was beginning to hope would last even beyond their time on Enterprise.

One of Charles' arms was hugging him from behind, their hands clasped against his chest. Malcolm brought Charles hand to his lips and kissed it softly. Then blinked as he saw his own hand. He released Charles' hand to a murmured protest and looked more closely at his hand.

Why, his hand was nice, elegant in a way. Long fingers that could disassemble and reassemble armaments faster than anyone else on board could. My hand is deceptively fragile, very agile, quick, and gentle when comforting a friend or lover. Firm and competent when guiding someone through self-defense exercises or phase pistol training. Strong and uncompromising when dealing with any kind of threat to his love, his friends, or his home. Malcolm decided that he liked his hands.


	4. 1.08 "Breaking The Ice"

Trip had to smile at the identical grins of excitement and anticipation Malcolm and Travis were wearing. They were really looking forward to exploring this unique comet. The two of them were becoming more like brothers every day. Their relationship changing and growing in different ways than his and Jonny's had, but they were becoming as much like brothers as he and the cap'n. He wished he could go too, explore with them on the comet and watch Malcolm's enthusiasm and anticipation up close, but they had no real need of an engineer for it. Oh well, they'd be back soon enough. And it wasn't as if anything could go wrong on the mission.

* * *

'Sigh, I know that the snow Vulcan Travis and I made was not the usual thing recommended on scientific missions. Normally the few minutes we took to kick back and have fun while waiting for the testing to finish would not have been a problem. How were we to know a Vulcan captain was watching our practice?

If I had thought for one moment our moment of fun was going to compromise either our safety or embarrass our captain, I would not have taken the risk. Captain Archer was initially upset, but once he got over the worst of the embarrassment and had accepted help from the Vulcans, he saw the humor. He told me, "it sometimes seems as if the Vulcans are ice cold towards most of humanity. Next time if there is even a hint that any Vulcans other than T'Pol are around I want you to focus only on your duty. The smile was a nice touch. I'm glad the Vulcans were able to get you and Travis out in time."

* * *

Malcolm caught up to T'Pol finally, entering a turbolift with her soon after the snow Vulcan incident. "T'Pol, I hope I did not offend you in any way in what I chose to make out of snow with Travis. When on Earth people, especially when younger, consider snowmen and forts to be a work of art, a right of passage, and a way to have fun." Malcolm informed his friend.

"Vulcans create sand sculptures of historical figures, family members, and even abstract shapes. Some of these are intended to be as temporary as your 'Snoval'. Others are made in such a way that they will last for quite some time. I considered your attempt with Travis' of creating that construct to be similar to our working with sand." T'Pol said, "I was not offended by it, however I would think that if your hands were not encumbered by the bulky gloves of the EV suit that you would make a more aesthetically pleasing sculpture. I learned from watching Crewman Cutler working with what to me was an unknown substance, that humans make small artworks out of modeling clay. Would you be willing to show me how? If you are it will give me an idea whether my supposition that you could make a more aesthetically pleasing work using the full capability of your hands is correct or not."

Malcolm smiled at the hinted compliment and at T'Pol's hint of curiosity, which he did not think anyone else would have heard in her voice, with the notable exception of Hoshi. "Yes, I think that would be an interesting activity for us to pursue." Malcolm gave the barest hint of a smile. "How about we attempt it after our next meditation together?"

"That would be acceptable, Malcolm. I shall see you then." T'Pol answered before leaving the turbolift.

* * *

Trip held Malcolm closely in his arms, so glad that the captain had put aside his resentment of Vulcans in general to go to his loves rescue. It had been another close escape. The engineer had started reading up on how the husbands and wives of servicemen dealt with close calls, injuries, and just waiting for their mate to come home. There was a lot of information in the data base ranging from studies done from the 1900's on regarding policemen, firefighters, and the military. Trip focused on the studies about policemen and the military, on any study done from then to now. Starting from his day and working back. He figured his Malcolm and the other tactical officers were the closest things they had to a police force on board, they had the riskiest job.

Knowing this caused Trip all kinds of worry and stress any time Malcolm had left the ship without him. But he knew Malcolm was happiest when he was actively protecting the crew and ship, so he was learning how to deal with it the best he could. Talking with Phlox from time to time and to Jonny. Making sure his friend knew that the southerner was aware that there might come a time when the captain would have to sacrifice the armoury officer. Trip hoped desperately that it never happened, for he did not know if he could forgive Jonny, in spite of the fact he knew Jonny might not have a choice.

For now Trip was deeply thankful his love was safe and sound, lying in his arms.


	5. 1.12 "Silent Enemy"

Well, Malcolm, his officers, engineering and I busted our butts to install the phase canons. Jonny wanted to throw Malcolm a birthday party as appreciation. He asked me about Mal's favorite food and I told him that Mal likes pineapple a lot. So we had a nice dinner with some Guinness and followed dinner up with pineapple upside down cake. Mal's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw it. Jonny had also tried to get some well wishes from the Reeds' for Malcolm, not having asked me if it'd be appropriate. He just wanted to do something nice for the Brit.

His sister Madeline and his Aunt Sherry sent really nice greetings by the way of Jon. Malcolm's parents though...Jonny said talking to them was worse than talking to any Vulcan. No matter, the greetings from Maddy and his aunt brightened his face. I have some plans regarding Malcolm and his love of pineapple later that have nothing to do with cake. I'm really looking forward to it.


	6. 1.14 "Sleeping Dogs"

'All right I just want to know one thing, one little thing, is that too much to ask?' Trip's brain was yelling at the universe. 'Why is it that it seems to be always Malcolm that ends up in these near death occurrences? Can you tell me that? Why can't you make it so he's always nice and safe? No sinking ships, no getting shot, is that too much to ask? I don't think it is. But no, that seems to be too much to ask, well screw you!'

'Oh god, I didn't mean that! I know you'll bring Mal back to me safe and sound. You just got too, please. I can't live without him. He's my heart, my breath, and the light of my life. Please bring him back safely.'

* * *

Charles chewed me out for going with T'Pol onto the Klingon ship, especially when I wasn't feeling well. He was very angry and even yelled at me. Normally he is so gentle, so patient with me, but this time the universe had pushed him a little too far. Yet even at the worst moment of his yelling at me, even at seeing him so furious that he was shaking, I wasn't scared of him. I did not worry, even for a moment, that'd he would hit me. I knew he would never hurt me intentionally. I felt safe with him even then, and I made sure to tell him once he calmed down that I did not blame him for being angry. That I knew he would never hurt me and would only yell at me, when it was justified. That I trusted him and was glad he felt confident enough in what we had to show me when he was upset. And that I knew we would be able to work through things together.

Now if I could only help him to realize that yelling at me when he was upset was okay. For Charles is beating himself up for it now.

* * *

Jon was getting ready for bed when his door chime rang. "Yes, who is it?"

"Jonny, it's me Trip, I need to talk to you." His friend of years said, his accent thick and voice scratchy. Jon knew that tone, it was Trip's 'I think I did something terrible so I'm kicking myself for it.' The captain also knew the only way he'd be hearing that tone now when the engineer had Malcolm as a lover, was if the southerner was kicking himself for something he did to Malcolm.

He felt immediately protective of the Brit and had to take a deep breath, he'd better find out whether there was cause for him to give Trip a butt kicking before he administered it.

"Come in Trip." He said grabbing some whisky to help with Trip's confession.

* * *

I ran right in as soon as Jonny said come in and started gushing out what I had done. "Oh god Jonny, I'm such an idiot. I knew Mal had nearly died on that ship, that he was probably kicking himself over lettin' that Klingon lady get the drop on him, and I went and chewed him out. Just cause he went over with a cold instead of sendin' someone else. Yeah he should have taken the day off to try to recover a bit, especially when the cold was hitting him so hard. But to lay into him with words just after he came back? The worst thing Jonny is that he said he understood that I had just cause to yell at him. Maybe so, but I came so close to hurting him with words instead of just chewin' him out. Oh god, Jonny, I came so close to tearing into him with words, so close to being vicious. What if next time I loose control? How does a husband prevent himself from hurtin' his love with words, from using them as weapons?"

I see Jonny blink in surprise and wonder why. He had listened with little to no expression on his face as I had started to talk. Looking like he does when having to control himself severely from throttling someone first then asking questions. But why the surprise? Was it because he didn't think me capable of chewin' Mal out right after he had narrowly escaped death?

"Husband?" He asked.

'Oh shit, I had said husband.' I thought, 'sure that's the way I see Mal, he is in my heart my husband.'

"Husband, not boyfriend?" Jon repeats, "when did you start thinking of him as your husband? Is this a recent development?"

"Uh, not exactly." I hedge, and see by his expression that's not going to be enough information, so I spit it out. "I've seen Malcolm as my husband since the first night I met him. When I invited him to my quarters I wanted to carry him over the threshold like a new husband would, but knew I didn't have the privilege yet." I say, then I start stammering. "Not that I know I will eventually, I might not, I hope with all my heart and soul, but with tearing into him today..."

"Trip," Jon sighs, interrupting me. "From what happened today, you had good reason to be concerned. Malcolm was sick, he knew it, he knew it could affect his ability to do his job effectively, yet he still chose to go to the Klingon ship. Considering all that and how strongly you are committed to Malcolm, your reaction was understandable. Add on all the stress and worry over whether we'd be able to save him, a little yelling is a perfectly normal reaction."

"But what if next time..." I try to say and Jonny cuts me off again.

"You will deal with next time, next time." He says. "I can not guarantee you will never unintentionally hurt Malcolm with words. But I can reassure you that from what you say of how Malcolm reacted this time that he forgives you. Considering the strength of your commitment to Malcolm I know that if you ever do harm him with words, you will make amends, and you will do all you can to heal any wounds. Then you would likely have to deal with me, Travis, T'Pol, Hoshi, well, the whole crew lecturing you on how idiotic you were to hurt Malcolm. I think everyone on board has a soft spot for our armoury officer. Even Chef, and you know how much of a hard nose he is."

I chuckle weakly at that. Jon's reassurance helps a little. I decide to sit and talk a bit more on how special Mal is to me, I need some time to unwind. To let go of the last of my worry and anger, before going back to my love. But I will go back to him tonight and make sure he knows how much I do love him.

He is my heart and soul.


	7. 1.16 "Shuttlepod One

Trip smiled as he made sure to include a container of lube in the supplies on the shuttlepod. He and Malcolm were going to be all alone in the pod for a couple of days aligning the targeting scanners. Trip certainly knew that he hoped to persuade the Brit into a bit of hot sex in any down time they had. Then he remembered that he ought to let Jonny know that if there were no answer to any hails, not to worry, it likely meant he and Mal were so involved with each other that they did not notice anything else. That the engineer would contact him if there were any problem at all.

* * *

Trip was kicking himself, here they were sensors and communications had just failed, no way to contact Jonny. If they weren't able to head to where Enterprise was in the asteroid field they were going to be shit out of luck. They needed help and Enterprise had no way of knowing it because they'd assume any lack of answer to a hail meant he and Mal were 'aligning each other's sensors' as he put it to the cap'n.

* * *

Malcolm felt a deep and endless horror. Enterprise destroyed, lying in pieces on the asteroid, and there was no way of knowing what had happened. His only home, his good friends, all gone. There had been no chance to say good bye, no chance to tell them how much they meant to him. No chance to make amends for any lack of communication on his part.

Charles had ordered him to take the one in a million chance of trying to reach Echo 3 in order to use it to try to hail a ship to be rescued. So he had done it, now though, he was intent on recording letters to his family back on earth and his friends, not wanting to fail again. Not wanting to pass up on what might be his only chance to say goodbye to them.

Charles had been upset that one of the letters was to his parents. Saying, "from what you told me they never did approve of you, never encouraged you, and you've implied that they hurt you with words if nothing else. Why in the world would you want to write to them?"

I told him; "regardless of their treatment of me while growing up, I still have hope that they can grow to respect me." I told him, concealing even then how harsh their treatment of me was. What good would it do to tell him? We were likely going to die soon, so there was going to be no way he could help me figure out why they had hurt me. I will never understand why either of them hit me, nor will I understand why father cut me for all my many failures. Though I was beginning to understand I had done nothing to deserve such treatment, I was still unable to blame them for it. There was still a small part of me that insisted that there had to have been something I did to deserve it. A small part that insisted that since parents normally put their children first, normally show them preference, that my parents would not do such a terrible thing unless I had deserved it. The longer I was with Charles, the quieter that voice was becoming, but it had not yet been silenced.

"Charles, I need to write them. If I don't now, I will regret it regardless of how long we live. I need to say goodbye, just in case we are unable to attain help." I told him, glad that I understood why he was so insistent on trying to repair the communication system, why he was trying to eke out a bit more time for us by extending how long life support would last. He was doing it because he fervently believed that we had hope, I also felt that he believed that even a second of more time with me would be worth it.

* * *

Now that we plugged the hole with the mashed potatoes from the emergency rations, potatoes that everyone on Enterprise had insisted could be used for valve sealant if there were ever a shortage of it. Apparently they were right. We were steadily getting drunk. Charles had turned off the heat for the few minutes longer it would give us, telling me each second would be worth it.

"How much time do we have left for life support?" Charles asks me, I don't like the look on his face. It would not be good if we've both become fatalistic.

I answer him and he turns away to think. Suddenly he's trying to close himself into the docking port.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing?" I yell, running to grab onto a leg. There's nothing that he could use there to extend the amount of time we would have.

"If we have 11 hours together, then you'll have twice as long without me. Maybe enough time to be rescued by Enterprise, I've got to give you a chance Malcolm!" He says.

"You daft git!" I yell, "get down from there, I am not going to allow you to sacrifice yourself for me." Luckily I had grabbed a phase pistol, "now get down here. If necessary I will shoot you to get you down. I have invested too much time in learning to understand you Charles to let you go now. I love you and I could not live with myself if you were to sacrifice yourself for me. I need you, please Charles come down." I know that I'm crying, but I don't care. 'Oh god, if Charles doesn't come down, if he somehow finds a way to kill himself just to buy me time, he'd better not or I'll, I'll...well I don't know what I'll do, but Charles will live to regret killing himself for me.'

I vaguely realize that my last thought really did not make sense, but considering I'm drunk and very worried I don't care. Then I see Charles come down, he walks over to take the phase pistol out of my hand. I lean up for a kiss and am greeted with warmth and tenderness.

"I'm sorry Mal, I think my worry for you caused me to act without thinking." He says, "let's go cuddle under the blankets. I'm sure Enterprise reaches us in time. Either way when they catch up to us, they're going to find us with you sitting in front of me, and wrapped in my arms."

* * *

Jon paced the length of sickbay back and forth. He had been informed that everyone on board had put in a request for information on how Trip and Malcolm were doing. Jon smiled slightly, remembering how T'Pol had found excuses to check in every 15 minutes, always asking about Lieutenant Reed first. Apparently his armoury officer had somehow found a way to sneak into their resident Vulcan's heart as well as everyone else's on board. He wondered what it was about Malcolm that had captured so many of his crew's admiration and love.

Was it how protective he was of his lover Trip and of the crew? Was it how hard he worked to make sure the crew would be protected? Was it the fact that Malcolm seemed to be the first to notice when anyone in the crew needed a word of encouragement? Or was it the fact that the most dangerous man on Enterprise, the one no one would ever want to face as an enemy, had a sense of vulnerability around him? Was it that the armoury officer was also 'soft as a marshmallow inside a solid steel case' as Travis put it?

Whatever it was he hoped that the men being treated for severe hypothermia now would recover. He knew that when they did they'd help each other deal with the after effects of the trauma they had gone through. He also knew both would have quite a few people wanting to help in any way they could at their doorstep.

Once they were out of sickbay, Jon was going to lend them Porthos for a few days. He had noticed how much Malcolm doted on the beagle and his armoury officer was going to need a bit of Porthos' special brand of comfort.

* * *

Malcolm was so glad to be warm again. He and Charles were attending counseling sessions with Phlox, both together and separately, trying to deal with the trauma we went through. We both have nightmares where we don't make it, I even have a few where I am unable to get Charles to come down from the hatch and am left to watch him die, all alone in the pod. Oh god, it's horrible.

Porthos nudges me with his nose, it's wet and cold, I smile a bit and pet him a bit more. He is such a well-behaved dog; I'm glad Captain Archer loaned him to me. Sure he said that he needed a dog sitter due to an unusually heavy workload right now, but I know it was that he wanted to provide me and Charles with another source of comfort to help us through this.

Malcolm smiled as he remembered how he had woken up in sickbay, the first to awake. The captain reassured him that Charles was okay and had listened to him as he told the older man how and why they thought the Enterprise had been destroyed. It had been a comfort to share his worry with the captain as well as his joy in finding out that his home was safe.

Then T'Pol had come down, he had smiled at her remembering an odd dream he had on the shuttle on T'Pol congratulating him for his heroics and calling him 'Stinky'. He had asked her if she had come down to see whether he had a mission report on what had happened. She had raised an eyebrow at him, coming the closest to frowning as he had ever seen her do.

"No, Malcolm, that can wait." She had said, "I was deeply concerned on how you were doing and hope that you will recover quickly. I am looking forward to the time you are able to join me again for our meditation sessions and our experiments in creating clay sculptures. It is good to see such a valuable crewmember as yourself recovering, as it is good to see the commander recovering. I needed to see for myself that you were safe, though I of course trusted Dr. Phlox' and Captain Archer's reassurances that you were. I believe I needed to see for myself due to the fact that I have become fond of you since we started our friendship."

Her words touched me so deeply that I had to swallow, so as not to embarrass her or myself with tears. "Thank you, T'Pol. I'm glad you came by to check for yourself." I told her. "I look forward to being well enough to join you for our get-togethers as well. I have become fond of you too and look forward to resuming our friendship."

She had nodded her understanding then noticing my fatigue had left sickbay.

It was a good memory one to savor as he waited for Charles to come home from his latest solo counseling session.

Malcolm fell asleep while waiting, Porthos cuddled up beside him. His dreams full of Charles and the warmth the southerner had brought into his life.


	8. 1.18 "Rogue Planet"

Jon sighed to himself in frustration after Trip followed Malcolm into their tent. 'Why was I so harsh with Malcolm? Snapping at him on how he should let me play captain for awhile and that posturing I did about my time in the Eagle Scouts? I should have known someone as driven as he was would have achieved quite a lot as an Eagle Scout. Am I being so harsh with him due to how envious I am of his and Trip's relationship?'

Jon blinked as he realized it, he was jealous. Not just of the fact his engineer and armoury officer had achieved such a loving relationship, but of the fact that it was Trip who was enjoying it with Malcolm. But instead of taking his jealousy out on Trip, he had taken it out on Malcolm. He was going to have to stop mooning over Malcolm before it caused a rift in his friendship with either man. The captain knew he had to find someone of his own to be with, but whom? Who on board ship could he turn to? Was there anyone else on board who was intelligent, interesting, and attractive? He had almost pictured someone on board, a man who he remembered having caught his eye a time or two, but was distracted by a sudden noise.

'Oh my, it's a woman. She looks familiar somehow, reminds me of someone I knew, no dreamed of when I was a child.'

* * *

Malcolm was glad they had finally confirmed Jon's sighting of the lifeform, that the rest of the landing party had seen her. He had wondered whether the captain had cracked slightly with all the little things that had been going on lately. It was good to know he hadn't. The armoury officer had begun to think of the older man as a friend instead of just a captain. That had not been affected by the way the older man had snapped at him earlier.

Once he worked on protecting the lifeforms here from the Dakala, he would be happy. It was nice to come to the defense of a people being hunted just because they were different. Then possibly he and Trip could go back to exploring each other as they had been before the captain had spotted the mysterious woman. Of course due to the way the Dakala were now hostile towards them they might have to continue their forays into well known territory on board ship. No matter when they did though, each time Malcolm had made love with Charles was precious and unique.

* * *

Malcolm persuaded Charles to join him in his quarters; it hadn't taken much persuasion as Charles was as desperate as he to continue what they had started doing earlier on the planet. The armoury officer removed his loves clothing quickly, needing to be with him desperately. Once they were both naked, the Brit took a second to appreciate Charles' appearance then backed him onto the bed.

They did not use the bed in Malcolm's quarters very often, but he made sure it had fresh sheets and lube in the bedside cupboard handy for the times that they did come here. Charles was on his back, looking up at him with desire blazing in his eyes. Those gloriously long legs parted for him, they were touching from hip to shoulder. Malcolm moved so that he was touching his love only with his hands.

Lord, Charles had looked so good down on the planet. Campfire lighting his features, moving steadily over that luscious body as if caressing his love. Malcolm lightly stroked Charles face, imitating the light of the fire earlier. Tracing each eyebrow, then grazing the blonde's parted lips, and then ghosting over cheek, chin, and ear.

Malcolm then softly trailed his fingers over the sun kissed neck of the engineer, up and down in increments. Barely brushing the shoulder blades then firmer touches along his chest, drawing close to the nipples then further away. Getting close to them, but never touching them. Charles was writhing underneath him. "Please Mal, please."

Malcolm lightly scratched and gently pulled at the chest hair, then flicked his fingertips quickly over the nipples, before dancing his fingers away towards the shoulders. Charles moving constantly under him, seeking further contact. Back and forth in teasing forays until finally focusing on the hard pointed nipples. Circling them, pinching them, tickling them, then just running the pad of the index finger over the tip.

Changing his plan of attack, he firmly caressed the southerner's abdomen. Gently thrusting one finger in and out the navel in imitation of making love. Then moving to touch Charles' hard, long, desperate erection. Charles started thrusting, pleading, "Please Mal, please!"

Using only his fingertips, he stroked up and down the length, tracing the veins, then circling the head. Scraping lightly just under the head with a fingernail, then focusing on the head spreading the fluid there along the shaft. Using his right hand to continue stroking up and down the penis he reached towards Charles' balls with the other, keeping himself in firm control as he continued barely touching his love. Then firmer strokes with his fingertips along both penis and balls, he heard Charles' keening cry as he came.

Malcolm licked the engineer clean with firm strokes of his tongue. Preparing his love for the second attack. Once Charles was stretched enough, Malcolm coated his erection and slowly penetrated that tight passage. Charles' legs wrapped around his waist, he kissed Charles and felt the older man's hands stroking him in time to the inner strokes he was giving his love. Pushing deeper and deeper, wanting to be fully home again. Finally he was as far as he could go, balls nestled against that lovely bum.

After resting for a moment he started to thrust inside Charles, stroking him from the inside. Doing all he could to show with each moment how much he cherished his love. Moving together in time, thrust and parry, move and countermove, better than any other type of swordplay he had ever engaged in. He wanted it to go on forever, tried to slow down, but the older man squeezed his inner muscles around him. Malcolm felt a blaze of need and started pounding hard and fast. He heard a triumphant shout, felt his mate come, and felt that glorious explosion overtaking him. The flash of heat from the explosion overtaking him as he cried out in completion, the last thing he remembered before being immersed in darkness.

When he came to, very little time must have passed for Charles was gasping underneath him still. His love would have moved him if too much time had passed. He slowly withdrew himself from the older man, hearing the soft, protesting whine, and soothed the southerner with kisses. He wrapped his engineer loosely in his arms, watching him until he fell asleep. Joining him in dreams soon after.


	9. 1.19 "Acquisition"

I wonder if I'll ever live down the fact that I am running around Enterprise in my Starfleet blues. I was trapped in decon for awhile and when I got out, finding everyone asleep and unable to wake up. God, I hope they'll all be okay. I managed to revive T'Pol and the Captain is awake, we're trying to figure out a way to overcome these big eared aliens. I don't think it'd be a good idea to allow them to take off with all they've been trying to take from the ship and sore on theirs. I wonder if they're pirates or whether the whole species goes about looking to take as many valuables as they can.

Regardless, they neglected to consider taking the most precious thing on board, Malcolm.

* * *

'Great, a species uses a Trojan horse to put us to sleep and take over the ship, and all I do to protect our ship is lay on the deck asleep. I was of no help at all getting the unknown species off the ship, but I was able to help return all our property to our ship.' Malcolm thought, "I wish I could have done more to help, but as Charles pointed out I managed to secure the computers so that the life support could not be taken off line. I vaguely remember doing so before losing consciousness, I'm glad I did. Who knows what the aliens' intentions were at the time? Though I wish I could have secured the armoury and all our weapons, at least I had made it impossible for the aliens to poison us.'

'At least the most precious thing to me is safe, Charles is well. The security tape of his running through the ship in his underwear has become my favorite thing to watch. A copy somehow slipped through my fingers to become a video to play at movie night. I wonder how that happened?' I grinned, knowing that I had leant a copy to Hoshi to enjoy and of course she decided to enjoy it with friends at movie night. As I told Charles it was good for morale.

* * *

Trip shook his head, blushing. From what he overheard of the crews' conversation everyone had seen the security tapes of his running around the ship in his skivvies. He was almost proud that Malcolm had taken the opportunity to show the tapes to everyone. He wondered whether he should worry at this latest sign of his Brit's usually hidden streak of mischief, for it was becoming more and more obvert and it could lead to a lot of embarrassment for the southerner. He also wondered for a moment why Jon had allowed the showing, the cap'n had known that the tapes were going to be shown. Then he realized it would have appealed to Jonny as a way of embarrassing him.


	10. 1.20 "Oasis

'What is it about me that these alien women seem to want to get close to me.' Trip wondered. He didn't think he was doing anything to encourage Lianna, but she kept wanting to talk to him all the time. Something strange was going on with her father too, whether it was just over-protectiveness or something else the engineer wasn't sure. Though the man did look familiar somehow. All Trip wanted to do was go back to Enterprise with Malcolm and hold his love in his arms.

Unfortunately if he did not figure out how to get this scrap heap flying again soon it was going to be quite awhile before he could cuddle with Malcolm.

* * *

'Damn, damn, damn, Malcolm had to investigate some strange noises he heard. I know it was necessary, they could have been a threat to the crew. But now Malcolm is hurt, being held hostage and the only thing I can do is try to sweet talk a lady I have no interest in so we can get to Mal. Why do these things keep happening to his love?'

* * *

Malcolm lay in sickbay, for holographic projections, their weapons had been effective. He wondered whether he needed to participate in more mock battles with his tactical staff. Perhaps he needed a bit more practice so as to be able to jump out of the line of fire from time to time. Charles was practically glued to his side with worry, only allowing himself to be chased away by the captain, and then only to work in engineering before coming back. I shouldn't be in sickbay for very long this time, so perhaps he'll be able to get some rest soon. He really needs it after the stress he's been under the last couple of days. I wish I could go home with him now and spoil him a bit. Maybe give him a massage and then just hold him close while he sleeps. I worry that he's trying to take the world on his shoulders again.


	11. 1.21 "Detained

Commander Tucker, personal log: "Well I've got to say that I never thought it possible to not be turned on by how Malcolm looks. I mean he is the most gorgeous person I have ever seen. So I thought that there was nothing that could make me see him as plain. I was wrong. Damn, he looks odd as a Suliban! If it weren't for the eyes, those glorious, changeable eyes, I don't think there'd be anything about him in his disguise as a Suliban to turn me on. If it were me trapped in that cell, I'm not even sure I would recognize him. Unless he spoke in his normal voice, then maybe I would recognize him."

"His little infiltration to rescue Jonny and Travis is going to be dangerous. There is so much that could go wrong with his effort to break them out of that prison. But the attempt has to be made; we can't leave our captain or our best pilot behind. I know there is no one better for the job either. Malcolm has the finest tactical mind I've ever seen, the way he can plan things out, taking into account as many possibilities as he can, it's amazing. I know if anyone can get our men out of there safely, he can."

* * *

Malcolm had managed to get the captain and Travis out, along with a few other prisoners. Setting those charges, taking on the guards, the adrenaline the fighting had caused to surge through his body—it had all been glorious. If it hadn't been for the tightness of the Suliban disguise and the fact that towards the end it had caused him to start to itch, it would have been the perfect jailbreak.

Charles was soothing some of the cortisone cream Phlox had given him over his back to try to help with getting rid of the itching. It was nice to feel his loves hands on him again. The southerner's strokes felt so much like petting; he was tempted to start purring.


	12. 1.22 "Vox Sola"

'All right a crystal growth of some kind, or perhaps a strange sort of plant has grabbed my lover, a couple of the crew, and my captain and I have been told that I'm not allowed to kill it? It's hurting them; their lifesigns are falling, they could die because of that creature. Phlox insists that since it's alive we must find some other way that force to deal with it. Well if it were a Venus flytrap that had snared one of his creatures, would he be as willing to try to use something other than force to deal with the plant?'

'We have no evidence that this thing has any intelligence at all, for all we know it is the equivalent of a Venus flytrap. So here I am, tinkering with the force field I've been working on, the one I helped in the first stages of development, in the hopes that I will be able to set it up to seal the cargo bay off. I don't want anyone else captured by whatever is in there. I need to be with my love, hold him, and I can not use the one method that might help.'

* * *

'Well apparently it was intelligent. Hoshi found a way to talk with it. It had been separated from itself or a larger version of itself and was lonely. That is why it took the crewmembers. It wanted to have the kind of connection with them as it does to the rest of itself. I suppose its part of a hive mind, if I understand how it was referring to itself correctly. It had connected the minds of the people ensnared, so Charles saw the water polo match the captain was thinking of. From the blush that spread all over Charles' face as he tried to tell me what he was thinking of while ensnared, I am afraid to ask the others what they might have seen of my love's thoughts.'

'From the way the captain and the others have been looking at me, they must have been interesting thoughts. Any time I catch their eyes they blush and look away. I think I might be better off not knowing what thoughts of Charles they might have shared were.


	13. 1.24 "Desert Crossing

Lieutenant Reed, mission log: "The captain has insisted on showing Zobral respect for his hospitality, saying that it would be an insult to take along security. To me this is a serious risk to take, we know nothing about Zobral, this planet we are orbiting, or the game that will be played down on the surface which the Captain and Commander Tucker will be participating in. Captain Archer insists that it is likely a harmless game, yet knowing all the types of games humans have come up with over the millennia that reassurance does not sit well with me. Considering how the Roman's felt that the gladiatorial contests were entertaining, who knows what an alien society might think is an acceptable form of entertainment? Who knows what their games are like? Considering that Zobral is virtually a stranger, I believe the captain has taken an unacceptable risk by not including a security detachment."

* * *

I had dearly hoped my worries about Zobral were just paranoia on my part. Unfortunately here I am planning to go down in this shuttlepod to retrieve our people. Once Charles and the captain are safe we can try to retrieve the other shuttlepod. I know that my love dislikes the desert, partly due to his survival training having occurred in a desert. The worst thing is knowing that I have no experience waging desert warfare, so my attempt to get our captain and chief engineer back safely is going to be down and dirty.

* * *

I am sitting by the biobed, holding Charles' hand. I have done this before, sitting and waiting to see those eyes open. Desperately glad that he's alive, wishing he had not been hurt. He was severely dehydrated, not having drinking anything after taking part in that game. Though the captain isn't as severely dehydrated he's spending some time on a biobed as well. Captain Archer has already informed me that he will make sure Starfleet hears about this encounter, including the fact he ignored my advice to use caution and take down security with him. He has also recommended me for promotion; he says he will continue to do so whenever my actions warrant it until Starfleet listens and promotes me.

I know that there is a bit of reluctance on Starfleet's part to promote anyone in the middle of a mission. It may be that I only step up in rank once our five-year tour of duty is over. To me it does not make any sense not to recognize the crew on a long mission by handing out promotions, as long as they are earned, but at least I can keep mentioning my own staff and others in my reports. Giving my personal commendation and recommending to the captain that he formally recognize the person's efforts in his logs. The captain's commendations will likely be given quite a bit more weight than mine and may lead to a few people on the fast track to a command of their own.

I know Travis will make a fine captain one-day.


	14. 1.25 "Two Days And Two Nights"

I hope Mal and I win the lottery and that we are able to go down to Risa, it sounds like the perfect spot for a honeymoon, well a sort of honeymoon. Can you have a honeymoon if you're not married yet?

Oh well, I'll be treating it as a honeymoon. I'll take Malcolm to a romantic bar, wine and dine him, a little slow dancing, and then see if I can talk him into trying sex that could lead to exhibitionism. Just for the spice the slight risk will bring, I'm sure it won't actually turn into exhibitionism.

* * *

'I can't believe Malcolm and Trip.' Travis thought. Malcolm saying to Hoshi, "well, supposedly Risa is very cosmopolitan.'

Then Trip saying, 'Malcolm and I, uh, plan to broaden our cultural horizons.'

I laughed out loud at what Hoshi said though. 'Is that all you two think about.'

Hoshi pretended offense at their banter; I know she would shadow them and try to watch if she thought she could get away with it. She knows as well as I that Malcolm would notice her following, even if she did it from five miles away with sensors. Well, maybe not then, but he's damn good at his job and part of the job of someone in security is to know when they are being followed.

We all know what kind of broadening those two are planning. The closest they'll come to experiencing another culture is by eating the food or drinking the wine. Sure they plan on visiting a bar for a bit of dancing, but I'm pretty sure they'll spend most of their time in their room 'broadening' each other.

* * *

It was Malcolm who dragged me into the wine cellar; he learned from a waitress that it wasn't used very much. There was another with the more popular beverages elsewhere. So here we were, he's removing both of our clothes, tossing our pants, shirts, shoes and socks elsewhere. Removing our Starfleet issue blues and stacking them beside me. It looks as if he's actually going to want to be the one to penetrate me. Here. Far away from the safe haven of his room. I can barely wait.

Oh, he's laid me down on a canvas sheet, or something a lot like it. He's lying on top of me kissing me gently, reverently, worshipping me with his lips and his hands. Stroking me, it feels as if he's everywhere. So gentle, I feel him lick down my throat pausing me to give me a big old hickey right where it's going to show. It'll peak out of the top of my uniform collar and I can't bring myself to care. Not when he's finally gotten brave enough to seduce me away from his lair.

He's slowly advancing towards my nipples, damn; he's thorough in everything he does. All I can do is keep stroking him as I gasp his name over and over, I can't think of anything else. Malcolm is the only other thing that truly exists to me right now. We're alone in the universe, though I can still here the music from the club. He's sucking, licking and softly nibbling at my right nipple. Licking over it and tugging lightly at some of my chest hair. He's caressing the other nipple with his left hand, teasing it. The touch of his lips and his fingers searing me. God, his touch burns through me.

Now he's switched to sucking and licking my left nipple and caressing my abdomen with his hands. I can smell his aftershave, the soap he washed with this morning, and I can smell just plain Malcolm. It's the best odor I've ever come across.

Though my legs are spread so he can touch me everywhere, he moves them just a bit more, settling between them. He blows gently across the head of my penis and I jerk underneath him. "Oh god, I need you. Please."

Malcolm encases me in his mouth, taking all of me inside with such speed that I almost come from being fully surrounded by the moist heat of his mouth. He starts humming and sucking up and down my length as if determined to get me to explode as fast as possible. He concentrates on flicking his tongue over the head then swallowing my length again and at the feel of him playing with my balls, I come long and hard. He does what he can to draw the climax out, making it last just a bit longer and swallows all of the liquid. As I try to catch my breath, he licks me clean and starts stretching me with one finger and some lube.

Ever the Eagle Scout, he's come prepared, so to speak. He slowly inserts one finger into me, slick with lube, circling it inside me. I can barely wait to have him there and my heart is near to bursting with joy that he is finally able to make love with me somewhere other than his own quarters. Another finger joins the first, a little slowly by my taste, but I know he likes to be sure that I'm ready. I've been ready for this since the day we met. Soon he's up to three fingers, brushing that special place inside me, the one that makes my whole body start tingling.

I feel as he moves to push himself into me, slowly working his way pass the muscle, then giving me only a moment to adjust. He works his way steadily further inside me and finally is all the way home, all the way inside me, touching me everywhere. I'm facing him so I wrap my legs around his waist and join him. Rolling my hips and moving to the beat we're creating between this. This is my favorite dance of the night. We thrust against and with each other slowly, drawing it out, making every moment last. He changes the angle of his thrusts slightly, hitting my prostate with each stroke. His hand and mine on my dick, stroking it in time to the thrusts. I come again, hard and he joins me, both of our cries drowned by the noise of the music overhead.

* * *

Well apparently Malcolm can be distracted enough that he doesn't notice intruders entering a room. Our clothing has gone missing, with it our hotel key, at least we still have our underwear. It was a bit embarrassing walking back to our hotel room in just our blues; the desk clerk gave me an extra key while Malcolm stood by the elevator. "You are a lucky man to have such a nice mate." She tells me, "I hope no one disturbed your room, if the thieves have taken anything let me know and I shall do what I can to recompense you."

"Thank you," I said, looking at Malcolm who's blushing due to being only in his underwear in public. "I know that I am an extremely lucky man."

We go up to our room and call downstairs to let the clerk know everything that we had brought with us was now gone. She sent up some massage oil, a couple of robes, a pair of sandals each, and a credit chit that will help us buy food and drink. Unfortunately it won't work to buy clothing with as Risan's normally wear as little as possible and you need a special credit chit to buy it. The hotel can not provide one though, so it looks as if we'll be rejoining the shuttlepod in our underwear and the robes she gave us.

Well, I don't think we'll need clothing for what I'm planning to do the rest of our vacation.


	15. 1.26 "Shockwave 1"

'Oh dear god! The atmosphere below just ignited, it would only do that if it had been exposed to the equivalent of our engine exhaust. All our engine vents are closed. Since I knew of the risk, I triple checked to make sure they were closed and stayed closed. 'What the hell just happened? Did I miss something? Did I make a mistake? Am I responsible for thousands of deaths?' Malcolm cried out silently in his mind.

* * *

The captain had just chewed him out. He knew Captain Archer was worried, and it did indeed look as if he had been neglectful. Perhaps he had made a mistake and had caused thousands of deaths.

Malcolm was fighting tears of self-recrimination. He was going over and over the shuttle pod, desperate to find some explanation for what had happened. He was certain the sensors had confirmed that the vents were closed. But now it looked as if they had been open. Enterprise was being recalled to Earth due to the tragedy. So far the media had not picked up the news that her first flagship might be responsible for killing innocent people. In spite of that the whole crew knew why they were headed back in disgrace. Most were intent on trying to ascertain what had happened. So many had come up to him and let him know that they firmly believed that he would and did make sure that the vents were closed. That they were sure the real cause of the disaster would be found and that he would be proved to be blameless.

But what if he wasn't? What if a moment of neglect caused the vent to open without him being aware of it and then close right away? If a moment of neglect had led to this he did not know if he could ever forgive himself.

* * *

'God, Malcolm is eating himself alive with guilt.' Trip thought, "I know he would never neglect his duty. As soon as I heard that the captain had tore into him, making it sound as if he blamed Malcolm for what happened, as if he believed Malcolm had neglected his duty—well as soon as I heard I marched right up to Jonny in his ready room.

"What the hell are you thinking?" I yelled at him. "I know it looks bad, but both you and I know how anal Malcolm is with his job. How much of a perfectionist he is, he checks and rechecks everything. If he says the vent was closed, it's because he thought it was. Sure I haven't found a malfunction in the sensors that would tell anyone in the pod what was goin' on with the vents, but I'm still looking. Hell, even T'Pol is looking for what really happened, sayin' that she knows that Lieutenant Reed could not have been neglectful. So why in hell did you imply when you talked to Mal that you thought he was?"

Jonny looked up at me aghast. "God, I didn't mean to Trip. Everything is in chaos, if those people died due to something we did, the ultimate responsibility is mine. Starfleet is insisting we have to go back and be decommissioned. The Vulcans have pressured them due to this tragedy, I'm getting shot at from all sides, but that is no excuse for my having said something that would make Malcolm think it was his fault somehow. I know there has got to be something that shows he did nothing wrong."

Jonny rubbed one hand over his eyes as if hiding tears and I suddenly knew how hard he was taking the news that it had sounded like he was blaming Mal to both Mal and others on the crew. I could tell that it devastated him to know that he hurt Malcolm somehow. I was going to have to find him someone of his own, fix him up should we find a way out of this mess. He needed someone to love and be loved by.

"I'll go now and let him know he has my confidence and apologize for the way I tore into him." Jonny said, "I can't leave him thinking that I blame him. It'd tear his heart into pieces if I did. Thank you for the wake up call Trip."

"You're welcome."

* * *

Captain Archer apologized for implying he thought it was my fault, then told me that I have his every confidence. But there is still the possibility that I am the one at fault. We are doing everything we can to find out exactly what happened.

"Lieutenant Reed to the situation room please." I hear T'Pol's voice over the intercom.

I go to the nearest com and open a channel. "Acknowledged, on my way." I reply, I wonder what's going on?

* * *

'Oh great,' I think, 'now the captain has disappeared. Supposedly with Daniels who said he was a time traveler. However I thought for some reason that Daniels was dead. We have Suliban cell ships chasing after us and have been told that a Vulcan escort is on its way to make sure we head home.'

'Do they really expect us to make a break for it? To run and hide instead of facing whatever repercussions there might be for what we've been accused of doing?'

* * *

Hoshi crawled through the ship; she hated being inside these ducts. It was so hard to go through them with her claustrophobia, but she needed to get something to Malcolm. Something that would help them retake the ship. Either that or she had to do something once she got to Malcolm's quarters that would help them retake the ship. She wasn't sure at the moment, being able to think of nothing beyond getting through these tiny ducts to get to Malcolm's.

She made sure the hallway was clear and let herself drop to the floor.

'Damn, I lost my shirt.' Hoshi thought, 'What is Malcolm going to think when I get to his door?' Hoshi blushed and swore under her breath. Malcolm would never tire of teasing her about showing up at his place half-naked. 'It's not as if Malcolm would ever be interested in me, darn it, but still, he's never going to be able to resist teasing me about this once we are able to clear our names with Starfleet. Imagine thinking someone as honorable and decent as Malcolm being the cause, Starfleet command was full of idiots!'

Hoshi arrived at Malcolm's door, and saw the armoury officer's expression as he opened it. He did a classic double take and Hoshi saw the look of mischief and surprise overtaking his face. "Not. One. Word. Now go get me a shirt to put on and don't you dare take a peak at me."

"What if I promise to let you take a peak at Charles and I the next time we make love?" Malcolm said, in what he meant to be a teasing manner.

"If I can have that as a written guarantee, I'll let you stare at me." I tease back; he blushes, throws me a shirt and then goes into the bathroom, the door closing behind him.

'Rats, it would have been nice if he agreed to the exchange.' I thought as I put on his shirt. 'Oh it smells nice, it must be one that he's worn. I wonder if he'll notice if I keep it.' I remember whom I'm thinking of and sigh. Knowing that I will have to return the shirt.

* * *

'Damn it hurts.' Malcolm thought. 'We have the ship back, we have proven that we were not at fault for the tragedy, and T'Pol gave a rousing speech to Ambassador Soval and company on how we should be allowed to continue our mission of exploration. I had to promise Dr. Phlox that I would return to sickbay as soon as possible to have further treatment to the wounds caused by the Suliban trying to beat information out of me. But the pain is worth it to be here when Starfleet is presented with the evidence proving that we were not the cause of the tragedy. The Suliban are through some very elegant sabotage. I almost admire their ingenuity in causing us so much grief. Their heartlessness however, will prevent me from ever admiring them.'

* * *

I hover around Malcolm as Jonny finishes reporting to Starfleet and gets the go ahead to keep exploring. As soon as the transmission ended I turned to him.

"You are going to sickbay now. You will receive as much treatment as Phlox thinks you need. Then you are coming home with me." I say, giving him no leeway.

"Yes dear." He says as meekly as all get out, eyes twinkling with relief and mischief. It's going to take him awhile to truly take in the information that proves we are innocent. It's going to be awhile before he believes that there was nothing he could have done to prevent the tragedy.

It's going to take awhile for Jonny to realize that he's not to blame either. I'll do all I can to help both of them through this. For now, I'm taking my love to sickbay to be healed. Knowing that it will be a long time before I can forgive myself for having to order him to distract the Suliban. Especially since I knew he would be mistreated. We have a lot of healing to do; I'm glad we will be able to do it within each other's arms.


	16. 2.03 "Minefield"

### Malcolm

Why was he so nervous? It was only breakfast with the captain and Trip's best friend. He knew the captain only wanted to get to know him better. They had also yet to deal with the events surrounding the Suliban and the alien planet, the captain had apologized for making it sound as if he blamed Malcolm, but they still had that damaged trust between them. And now the Englishman couldn't help but feel like a little child called to task by a parent.

He smoothed his hair and uniform, trying to do something with the hair Trip had deliberately ruffled when kissing him goodbye this morning. Comforted a little by the work PADD in his hand.

As he tried to make small talk with the captain, he wondered why it felt so awkward and stilted. They had talked as friends before. And why had he denied following sports? He enjoyed a good game of Cricket even if he hated explaining the rules. His awkwardness had tempted him to tell Jonathon that the only sport he participated in was naked wrestling with Trip, but he thankfully restrained himself. And now he had brought up the PADD of work, using it more as a shield, this breakfast could not get more awkward.

Ah, saved by the COMM.

* * *

'Great! Just great! Mines that are invisible until they explode or attach to the hull of your ship! What will they think of next, invisible ships?'

Malcolm got back to his station and assessed the damage, the danger that would occur unless the mine was cut off. But to detach that piece of hull would take quite a bit of work and leave a sizable hole in their ship. One not easily repaired this far away from any known spacedocks.

Lieutenant Reed looked up. "Someone needs to go out and defuse that thing and that someone should be me."

He saw Captain Archer nod his permission and understanding, secured his station for the relief crewman he called up and made his way to the turbolift. He turned towards the bridge and as the doors closed he saw Jonathan's look. It conveyed determination and reassurance. Malcolm realized it was meant to say, "I believe in your ability, I will look out for Trip and keep him safe for you, and you had better come through this unharmed for Trip's sake."

Malcolm had every intention of surviving this task unscathed. He was aware, as everyone was that he might not due to the hazard involved. As he got into the EV suit for the mission he likened it to incomplete armor. It would protect him from the airless void of space and the absolute cold, but it would not protect him from a bomb going off. He finished dressing, picked up his case and headed out the airlock. He needed to get that bomb off to protect the ship, his home, and his love.

* * *

After a visual examination, Malcolm examined the mine carefully with his scanner, hoping the methods it used to show him the arming mechanisms would not inadvertently light the fuse. He let out a careful breath when he was sure the scan had not cause the mine to decide to count down and go boom.

A very complicated mechanism, but nothing he, one of his junior officers, or a good engineer with experience disarming torpedoes couldn't handle. He had just started on the process when one of the legs of the mine, that hadn't deployed, but he had detected, decided to shoot out. Unfortunately it speared his upper thigh, throwing him onto his back on the ship and pinned him.

'When you agreed to become chief of security onboard Enterprise, you had hoped to become a part of the ship, attached to her even, but this is ridiculous.' He thought to himself. Then informed the captain of his situation.

### Trip

'Malcolm, please be okay. I kind of understand why Jon didn't allow me to go out there. He knows I'd be too worried about you to concentrate. I'd likely get to worrying about you, focus on you, tap the wrong thing and...well at least we'd be together.'

'Please Cap'n get him out of there alive. That's all I want. Just him alive, safe, and with me.'

### Jon

'Roast Reed for dinner?' If I wasn't so pissed at you right now, I might find that funny. I am going to get you out of here in one piece and back to Trip. Sure amputation might be a last resort, cause you'd still be alive, but I don't think I can live with that. No lieutenant, we'll find a way out of here even if it means taking the bomb apart a piece at a time.

### Malcolm

'All right, how does it make sense for the captain to come out here himself. He knows my people have been trained in how to defuse bombs, as have Charles and at least two of his engineers. It would have made a hell of a lot more sense for one of them to come out here, but no, the captain does. Then he derides me for my gallows humor and insists on babbling about us, refusing to consider the option of amputation, or cutting the hull and me off of the ship.'

'I would rather not be cut off of the ship, left to float in space until the inevitable, but it is preferable than the bomb going off. The explosion would likely kill me, the captain, and possibly others due to the location of the bomb. Amputation could be done safely, so that the captain can drag me back into the ship and then cut the hull loose. With artificial limbs being so well made these days I could even stay on Enterprise as chief of security. Why the captain refuses even to consider this option, I'm not sure.'

'Now a hostile alien has shown up threatening to destroy the ship. Everyone on board is at risk. At any moment the bomb could go off, taking me, the captain, and an unknown number of people with it. At any moment the alien could attack, possibly destroy the ship, and the only thing preventing my friends and Charles from warping off to safety is the fact I'm tacked onto the hull. I would much prefer to live, to return to Charles and sleep safely in his arms every night, but...but I am in the equivalent of a burning house about to collapse.'

'I have told my captain the story of my uncle who went down with his submarine and how heroic I felt he was. It wasn't only heroism that motivated him—it was dedication. I don't have a death wish, I wish there were a way to explain this properly to the captain. Every day I am on duty, I know I may be asked to go on an away mission in hostile conditions. I know I may be in the armoury, a highly desirable target for enemy ships and there are live torpedoes all around, which have been known to misfire. I know that with my training and knowledge in facing various hostile situations, that I am best suited to get everyone out safely, including myself, if at all possible.'

'I've weighed the risk my captain is taking, the cost the bomb going off or the alien attacking against my own life. I can think of no way to get out from being pinned and away from the about to collapse house. There is only one option left to try to give everyone a chance to get out safely, and it is the one my captain refuses to consider.'

Malcolm reached over to detach the hose from his helmet, air vented from his suit and he knew it was only a matter of minutes before he breathed his last. The captain saw him though and came towards him and the lieutenant realized he was going to try to stop him from giving the crew a chance to get to safety. He tried to push the captain away, but failed.

A bitter failure, oxygen filling his suit again. And an offer of hope, with an insane, risky plan from the captain as to how to get him out with the use of shuttlepod doors as shields and cutting the leg off of the bomb while detaching the hull. It was brilliantly insane and it just might work. He may still be able to sleep within Charles arms soon.

### Jon

Well, it actually worked. I'm back inside Enterprise with an injured, but live Malcolm and we're laughing together. We may even become friends. If nothing else I can torment him about the comment, "may I please have some more, sir." At least I now know what a drugged Oliver Twist would sound like.

And here comes Trip with Phlox. No real reason for Trip to be here, but he looks relieved to see Malcolm, anxious about the injury, and tired. At the moment the only person he notices is Malcolm. The love those two have for each other vibrates through the room. I'm glad I found a way to bring him back for Trip, if I hadn't I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself, even if Trip tried to.

### Trip

God, it's so hard watching him struggle to lift just a bit more weight with his leg. He's in so much pain. But any time I tell him to rest a bit he bites my head off. We've had a few shouting matches, me trying to talk sense into him, him being more than just stubborn. Yelling back and forth, I make sure to say its what he's doin' to himself that's getting me riled.

Ain't no way in the universe I'll have him thinking its him that I'm mad at. He's the most important thing in the universe and I am not going to make it sound as if it's him. God, Mal, I just want to help you and see you out of pain.

And if you just listened to Phlox and didn't push yourself so hard, maybe you'd recover faster.

### Malcolm

What use is an armoury officer that can't stand on his own two feet? Why can't Charles understand I have to fight my way back as soon as possible? "I am not being a damned stubborn fool, I am doing all I can to get back to fighting form!" I state firmly to the daft engineer standing at the foot of the weight bench. "Enterprise, our home needs me to protect them, you need me to cover your back and keep an eye on you. That is why I will keep pushing the limits at physiotherapy. I don't care if Phlox thinks I'm trying too much too soon. I'm the one who knows what's best for me...Charles, stop laughing."


	17. 2.04 "Dead Stop"

I'm not sure if I like the sounds of this repair station. The Tellarites mentioned it, but the message wasn't received in full. And now we get here, Charles tells me the whole thing is completely automated with no staff, just the computer, which will not answer some questions. The payment we are making doesn't quite make sense either; the whole situation just doesn't sit right with me. But since I have nothing to point to except for "gut instinct" the captain isn't listening. Likely discounting it as he has in the past as paranoia.

I can only hope he's right and my gut is wrong.

* * *

Well, that was odd. My leg is completely healed except for a scar at the entry and exit points of the wound. No more pain while walking. It's almost too good to be true. And now having a meal on the station with Charles, across from me, immersed in schematics. God, we must look like an old married couple to anyone watching.

He wants to go crawling about the station looking at the machinery. Why am I not surprised? And why am I agreeing to go along?

* * *

Travis is dead.

He was found in a storage bay by a panel, electrocuted. The area had been closed off for repairs and I am trying to figure out why Travis chose to go there at this time. There has to be a reason for it, a clue as to why he did. Since there is no indication of Travis having talked to anyone before leaving his quarters, I'm reading through his personal logs and letters, but they don't give me any kind of clue at all.

Travis is...was such a good friend. He would tell me of how he and his brother Paul would wrestle and yell at each other. Seemingly not getting along, but when the chips were down and they needed too, the brothers were a formidable team.

Growing up as a boomer gave him so much experience, he has seen more places and logged more time in space than anyone I ever knew. And yet he saw space as a wonder, a joy to explore. It's just so hard to think of that joy, that optimism, or that spirit being snuffed out.

Travis was likely the closest I ever had to a younger brother and while he was going to his death, I was confined to quarters after crawling about an automated station like a kid playing hide and seek with my lover.

If I had been here for Travis...

### Phlox

What an extraordinary duplicate. If it hadn't been for the fact the station could not replicate the living virus, I do not think I would have found out that this replica wasn't Travis.

From weight to height, to facial features, to color of skin, to blood type, and every oddity of anatomy that can occur in humans. Some with only one kidney, others with three, extra bones, organs in different places, even with all of the organs in the mirror position to the illustrations in Grey's anatomy. The small differences that are a part of, a thankfully alive, Ensign Mayweather are a part of this replica.

Even the small scar on the right buttocks is duplicated. I wish I had been able to take a closer look at the machinery and process that did this. Technology that can replicate things to this detail could provide amazing medical advances.

I had almost completed my autopsy when we discovered it was a replica, I asked the captain to be allowed to finish it on the replica so as to see if there is any medical knowledge to be gained from it. Captain Archer seemed a bit disturbed by the request but said I might complete it on the faux Ensign Mayweather as long as I do not mention the autopsy to Travis or the rest of the crew.

Perhaps due to the fact it would remind them of how close we came to loosing our colleague.

### Trip

Sitting here, gabbing with Travis. Watching him tell tall stories to everyone about his travels on the Horizon. Watching him tease Malcolm about me and getting my love to blush. God Malcolm's gorgeous when he blushes. And he's so glad to see Travis alive and well that he's teasing him right back, very sly and wicked teasing, for everyone to see.

It's like watching brothers to see them kid each other. It's so good to have our boomer back alive. I'm not sure if Malcolm could have forgiven himself if we hadn't found out about the replica.

Though what he could have done to protect his friend is beyond me.

### Malcolm

Here I am, lying in Charles' arms, so very tired. I may not have done that much physically, but it has been a very long day. From disappearing from the station to the bridge and the embarrassment I felt; to Charles and I being deservedly chewed out by the captain for our actions. From thinking Travis was dead and having to go through his things grief filling my heart; to the wonder and almost unreal feeling of having my friend back whole and safe.

And now just lying here, one arm draped over my chest, and Charles' spooning behind me, so very close. Charles treasures me. I treasure him in return. His love means everything to me. I am so very glad I found him.


	18. 2.06 "Marauders"

Oh god, Charles would make a great father. The way that boy Q'el is following about. In fact if humans had ever been this way before I would be wondering if the boy and Charles were related. My love seems to savor having a child asking him all kinds of questions, playing with him, and talking with him. I know how much he wants a family of his own I just don't know if I will ever want children too.

Would I become like my father? Always disapproving and vicious?

I don't know if I can risk the possibility of becoming like my father, be like that to any child I might have. But would Charles be happy if we never had children or come to resent me for not risking it?

I do love how happy and carefree Charles' looks as he spends time with Q'el. I need to help the villagers prepare for an assualt.

### Jon

Now that he had convinced Tessec and the colonists to accept help there was a lot of hard work to put in. The Klingons had left and gone out of sensor range, but they would be back. Now that they had moved the village and Malcolm had given the colonists basic lessons in how to wage a successful ground assault, they were as ready as they would get.

Jon looked over at Malcolm in his grey shirt, arms bare, biceps defined, you could see the lean muscles normally covered by his uniform jacket, the way the sweat glistened...the captain shook his head and focused on the colonists again.

### Trip

Q'el sure was an interesting kid, liked followin' me about, asking all kinds of questions, and just wanting to spend time with me. It's been fun spending time with him, I don't know if I'd want to be responsible for a kid myself though.

I did mention to Malcolm that I wanted kids one day and having kids would be nice but not unless I was on a planet of some kind and Malcolm wanted them too. I think Mal is intimidated by the idea, worried he'd be like his parents were to him. So unless he gets that notion out of that head of his, I don't think we should have kids.

I scan the area to see if I can catch a glimpse of Malcolm and see Jon droolin' over someone, I follow his eyes and see Malcolm in just that grey shirt of his, arms bare, sun strikin' him just so, god he's gorgeous, I guess I can't blame Jon for drooling.


	19. 2.08 "The Communicator"

Jon and Malcolm have gone back to the planet to retrieve the communicator Mal lost. Mal was beating himself up about that, losin' a piece of technology on a planet that doesn't have warp drive. It could have happened to anyone though and it could have been that someone picked his pocket rather than him having dropped it. I just hope I can convince him it's no big deal when he comes back.

The COMM is going off, I'd better see what's up...we've lost contact with the cap'n and Mal, their lifesigns are now half way across the planet. We need to mount a rescue and the best chance of getting there is by taking the Sulliban pod down to the surface. All we have to do is figure out how to make it cloak within a few hours when we haven't figured that out in all the months we've had access too. Then Travis has to figure out how to fly it and we go down to rescue them.

God, I hope I figure it out. The announcement we overheard said that General Gosis intended to execute the two "spies" his people had captured. If I don't figure this out in time we'll be retrieving dead...oh Mal, be safe. Please be safe.

### Jon

I've watched Malcolm as he got as much sleep as he could. Standing here at the far end of the cell, leaning against the top of the bunk bed, just watching him sleep. Something I'm sure Trip does from time to time, he must, as Malcolm is so beautiful when he sleeps. I just hope I can get him out of here, back to Trip and the Enterprise. Malcolm deserves the best and the strength of Trip's devotion to this man is the best.

If, by some small miracle we make it back to the ship, I am going to have to focus my attention on someone else. I have the feeling that I may always be fond of Malcolm but I need someone of my own to love.

I close my eyes briefly as Malcolm still sleeps and for a moment think of Travis.

What the...well he is...is handsome and intelligent and so full of life, maybe...just maybe.

### Malcolm

I woke up to find my captain just standing there watching me, it was a bit disconcerting. For the rest of the day everything seemed so unreal. The only thing too real to bear is the knowledge that I likely won't make it back to Trip safely as I had promised I would. It's so hard to bear that I almost break down in tears while trying to reassure the captain that I expect a rescue at any moment.

I don't though. I can think of no way for anyone to get us out of here in time. It is likely that the captain and I shall die, that I will go to whatever there might be beyond death alone.

Trip, I love you, please have a long and happy life for my sake.

### Trip

Damn! While tryin' to figure out how to get the stupid pod to cloak I somehow cloaked my right arm. I know it's there, I just can't see it and I'm finding it impossible to work properly when I can't see what the arms doing. Phlox gives me a glove to wear and reassures me that he thinks my arm will become visible again.

If it doesn't, well how will Mal react?

I smile wickedly, I'm pretty sure Mal would enjoy playing with my invisible arm, no matter how long it stays invisible.

I work on the pod awhile, desperately trying to get it to work when T'Pol comes up and tells me we are running out of time. I tell her we can get it going on the fly, Travis gets in to fly the thing and we're off.

I just hope we reach Malcolm and Jon in time. Please Mal, be safe, I want to have more time with you.

We go in phasers blasting, I go first and as I go into the chaos I see the noose around Malcolm's neck. I blast away as many idiots as I can, trying to get to Mal. There's chaos everywhere. Jon and Mal get out of the nooses and off the platform. They find a way to help us fight the aliens. Jon says we need to get the equipment back so he and Mal disappear to get the equipment, they come back get on the pod and we take off.

We get back to the ship and Malcolm goes to be scanned by Phlox and to get his disguise taken off. I go with him, telling him it's to make sure he doesn't detour to the armoury. It's really because I can't bear letting him out of my sight.

We finally get to go home and I show Mal how my arm is like now and tell him how I accidentally cloaked it. He starts drooling over the thought of completely cloaking himself so he can just sneak around planets and as he talks of the possibilities, his eyes sparkling with mischief and yet still a bit haunted from the close call I kiss him.

A long, hard, lingering kiss. Reducing us both to need. We're in my quarters and I roll on top of him when he suddenly takes control and I'm flat on my back. We wiggle out of our clothes and Mal is still on top of me. Kissing me, gently nipping at my throat, his hands everywhere. He's over me, on top of me, touching me everywhere. His eyes blazing with fierce love and determination.

Finally we're both naked and he starts teasing me. Flicking my nipples with his fingers, running those hands of his over my abdomen. I feel that wicked, wicked mouth of his start kissing and licking down my chest. Closing over one nipple, driving me wild. His hands still touching me everywhere, he goes to the other nipple and gives it equal treatment.

I'm almost beyond thought now. He starts kissing his way down and wraps that mouth of his around the tip of little Trip...god...

### Malcolm

Charles is moaning and writhing beneath him, his taste teasing my tongue as I hold his penis in my mouth and flick my tongue across the tip. I hold his hips firmly, controlling how much he can thrust. I swallow along him then give long firm licks then back to just swallowing against him. I let go with one hand using it to caress him. Then I let go of the treat in my mouth to a disappointed moan, catch those amazing eyes of his and wet two fingers thoroughly with saliva. I take him in my mouth again and he angles his hips up so I can work my fingers in him, teasing his hole open and then carefully entering him with my fingers. Swallowing around him as I do I start stroking him inside and he comes. I swallow tasting him, savoring him. I lick him clean.

I move up, hoping the stretching I've done, the saliva is enough and I enter that tight heat. As slowly as I can and hear him gasp and moan. He braces himself and thrusts against me taking more of me in. I kiss him desperately and thrust completely in him, wrapping my hand around his cock.

His body moves with mine, muscles flexing and sheen coating it. He looks so wonderful beneath me, I thrust again and again and seeing his head tilt back with pleasure I come inside him and continue stroking him soon he comes again and I watch his face reflect the beauty of it as I milk him.

"Love you...Charles." I am able to whisper as I collapse on him. He wraps his arms around me. It sinks in that I'm safe, back on the Enterprise, alive, and with my love and I start to sob.

"Hush...it's okay Mal, I've got you. It's okay." His voice reaches my ears and he starts gently stroking my back. The sobs taper off and I fall asleep with him still whispering to me, petting me, telling me I'm safe and loved.


End file.
